Thoughtless, Sseltraeh
by Euregatto
Summary: This time she gives up the struggle, gives in to her primal desires, kisses him back. Because she's selfish. Because he's selfish. And they just want to feel alive again. - Auruo x Petra one-shot, implied Levi x Hanji / adult themes, dark themes


**A/N**: Whoo, Petruo! I had some fun writing this one. I wanted to play with the idea that someone will destroy themselves without any intentions of suicide (a common trait for people with Borderline), and Auruo and Petra are my current pairing of interest next to Annie and Eren, so I decided to use them.

**Let me know what you think~**

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**Thoughtless, Sseltraeh**

An Auruo x Petra one shot by: **Euregatto**

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He cuts the areas of his body that will be hidden beneath his clothes or bandages later, because as much as he loves his career and his perfect family, he just wants to know that the flesh he bleeds from is _his own_. He doesn't want to lose himself to this unforgiving, nebulous world obscured with the piling bodies of his comrades behind him, poisoning dreams with lurid darkness and frigid fears.

He mutilates his own body so he knows that he is _alive_, as much as he hates to be.

**.: :.**

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**.: :.**

It's raining. That, right off that bat, puts Auruo Bossard in a pissy mood.

It isn't _raining_ like a normal drizzle or a regular downpour - no, instead it's a tempest on the verge of forming a hurricane, where raindrops the size of tires smash against windows and buildings relentlessly; where the wind is reaching fifty miles an hour; where the clouds are depressed blankets that settle eerily across the sky. Lonesome figures who are caught in the brutal beat down risk getting themselves an unhealthy dose of leukemia, or something much, much worse.

Unfortunately only one squad of unfortunate souls has gotten caught in the cataclysm with no chance of escape.

Petra Ral is surprised she hasn't died from being devoured by a Titan anyway. Perhaps the illness from the weather would be the most sympathetic way to go. But it is also the worst way to go (give or take). Water has long since soaked into her uniform and drenched her cloak, forcing her clothes to superglue themselves to her slender frame. Her tangerine hair is plastered to the depressions of her temples and nape of her neck, slick bangs jabbing into her weary eyes.

"This is fucking stupid," the man at her side hisses, crouching down and balancing himself on the edge of the branch. "I want to go home already. It's too cold for this shit."

She grunts in return. "This is a required exercise, Auruo; I'm not enjoying it any more than you are."

"Why can't it be required in _dry weather?_"

He peers out over the hazy distance, watching the single Aberrant fail its limbs as it treks across the vast stretch of grassland. It's amazing how it can still move around like this, even without the blessed sunlight for fuel. Petra follows it with her lips pressed into a thin line. She leans back against the damp, rigid bark of the massive tree, crossing her arms over her chest. "Titans don't care about the weather so we can't either."

"Whatever you say, babe."

She shoots him a glare that goes unnoticed; his gaze is fixed on the Titan gradually drawing its pace to a crawl, his mouth forming a petulant frown, curly hair plastered to the outline of his skull. Gradually she turns her eyes to the bandage snaking around his hand. "What happened?" She asks, pointing to her wrist in reference to his own.

He glances up at her briefly, expression grim as the fragments of his memories creep into the front of his brain, and returns to looking solemnly at the Titan. "Nothing," he replies after a moment, "nothing at all."

"Why are you wearing that, then; to hide a scar?"

He shrugs passively. "I have plenty of scars. They're all from the past – and my past is nobody's business."

"In that case," she starts, swiping damp bangs from her eyes before continuing, "where did that injury come from? You didn't have it yesterday."

"Slipped up in the kitchen last night."

"It was Eren's turn to make dinner."

He 'tch's under his breath in a mockery of sarcasm, rocking upright his feet with a small grunt. "Of course _you_ would pay attention to that. I didn't think you were intuitive enough to notice anything but the Captain's ass."

She grinds her teeth together. "Shut up. What about you? Was that"—she points to his wound—"really worth it?"

Auruo scoffs humorlessly, grimly. The realization that Petra is the one judging him unnerves him to no end. "It goes all the way to the crook of my elbow, so don't look so surprised." Her eyes blow open, ironically enough, pupils dilating with a sudden surge of despair and fury. He continues. "And _yes_, it was worth it. Everyone has their own way of escaping this shithole reality, and I rightfully have mine."

"You're a fucking idiot."

"I wouldn't expect _you_ to understand me," he hisses menacingly, "you don't give a shit about anyone's emotions but your own." A sudden flare erupts in his cheek and he nearly topples off the branch, resounding yelp drowned out by the dense hailstorm of rain. His hand finds his swelling, tender flesh. "What the fuck, Petra?!"

He glares at her as she rubs at her stinging palm, water that isn't rain dripping down her cheeks, eyes glazed over with a passionate wildfire fueled by the sun. She's never looked so intimidating in her life, even if her gaze is below them and not on him. "When this is over, Auruo, do yourself a favor and stay the fuck away from me."

They stand in a sudden, uncomfortable silence shattered by the tempest and resounding crash as the Titan shuts down and slams face-first into the ground, digging up flora and fauna alike in a wave of debris. He decides that he wants to probe her for more – that the slap meant he had hit an appropriate nerve and he was too pissed off with her lately to care if she screams at him or not.

"Why? Afraid I'll call you out in front of your beloved Corporal?"

"What is with you today?!" She seethes with a voice laced with poison.

"What's with _you? _I'm fine!"

"Then what's _this?!"_ She snatches his arm, nails unintentionally biting right into the points of the bandage where the slices reside beneath. He winces. "What is **_this_**, Auruo?! Is this escaping reality? Is this selfless to you, _huh?_" She grips him tighter. "Does this look **_fine_** to you?!"

He slams her against the trunk with an intimidating amount of power, pinning her arms over her head by her wrists, and his body compressing her against the fragmented bark. Her bones make an audible pop that vibrates through the air, an acute stab of pain from the rough contact tingling her senses. She makes a move to throw her knee into him but his lips are already locked with hers, hips rolling against her pelvis, tongue sliding along her clenched teeth.

She emits this sound in her throat that is caught between a snarl and mewl, honey gaze corkscrewed shut in pure defiance. He presses against her harder, insistent, desperate, _enraged_. She can feel his heartbeat in his lips, hot like wildfire that thrives in his soul and creeps under her  
porcelain skin like poison; she tries to trash but the friction between them ignites her with the blazing in his blood.

He pulls back as abruptly as he had kissed her. "You're selfish," he admits, grasp on her wrists tightening, "and spoiled by Daddy and too uptight."

"And you're a conceited asshole."

His lips twitch. "You can be selfish with me. I'll give you anything and everything you want, even if I'm not the man you've had your eye on." He leans his lips to hers again. "But I'm selfish too. And I want you, more than anything else in this world."

This time when he forces himself into her again, she gives up the struggle, gives in to her primal desires, _kisses him back._ Because she's selfish. Because he's selfish.

She tilts her chin up and entwines her tongue with his, tasting the faint copper of too many uncoordinated bites and the oranges of his last meal. The rain pounds in her ears, masking their heavy breaths that only intensify as he adjusts her against the tier. She lets him lift her by her waist so her legs can wrap around his waist and the fire in her body is overwhelming – derailing – **_destroying_** her train of thoughts. His fingers un-tuck the hem of her shirt from her pants, nearly tearing the buttons he undoes at the seams, pushes down the straps of her harness.

"It makes me feel _alive_," he says finally, that last, important word strained in his lungs and slithering through his teeth. His hands travel up her sides, earning a short pant. "Blood and flesh and _life_." He slides his fingers under the tight bandages keeping her breasts in place and slides them up. She's exposed to him, flesh warm in the icy rain and beating with her pulsating heart.

**_Alive._**

"_Auruo_," she stresses as reality attempts to take hold of her again, mouth hung open with a silent gasp as he draws a perked nipple into his mouth and _sucks_. She arcs her back against him. "Aaa_-Ah!"_ This time, she doesn't give two shits about reality, and her short nails dig into his scalp with urgency.

She tries to touch him in return now, unbuckling his harnesses, forcing his shirt open to expose his rippled chest and rutting against him. Her fingers leave scratches along his shoulders beneath the thick layers of his cloak and jacket, spaces now accessible to occupy her as he does this _thing_ with his tongue to the point of her nub. She cries out to encourage him to nip her, suck her harder, let the wildfire turn them to ashes.

"_Live_ with me Petra," he utters when he pulls away, bucking his hips into hers and moving to circle her other nipple with his thumb. It has her squirming. "I want you to _exist_ with me. I want to be _alive_"—he rolls his hips again and she gasps his name—"with _you._"

She holds him tight as he moves faster and picks up a steady tempo, sexes massaging each other through the thick material of their jeans now wet with something a little more endearing than rain. Her gasps of his name hitch in her throat at every other thrust. Pulses of pleasure rip through her body, racking her slender frame with heat and want and _life_.

"Forget Levi," he seethes, hitting her harder.

She knows then, within that small interim of time before she loses herself completely, that her crush on their Captain had only gone noticed by Auruo – that her heartbreak over his announcement of his child within in Hanji Zoe hurt Auruo more than it hurt her, because from the start he loved her, and somewhere in the back of her mind she pretends that she's not the reason for his despair.

"Forget the Titans." _Thrust._ "Forget the death." _Thrust._ "Forget _everything_ when you're with me."

Fresh tears slide down her cheeks; she hates what's happening but she doesn't want it to stop, and it just feels so fucking _good_. Their breathing has synched; hers brimming with his name and mingled shouts of _yes, _his as intense as the concentrated gaze in his eyes. She can feel her gut knotting, coiling, constricting within the contracting muscles of her torso.

"I will love you. I will _breathe_ with you."

She can feel the pressure tipping within her and her eyes roll back into her head, nails slicing into his scarred skin as she finds the prelude to her release. She can feel him close beneath her.

"_I will **live** with you, Petra_."

Her body explodes into the orgasm, ecstatic voice screaming into the drowning rain that cloaks them in its cold, and he comes instantly, grinding to a sudden halt as his stamina depletes and his mind buzzes with white noise of the aftermath. They take a moment to relax, to grasp the real world around them, and he gently sets her down. Her back is sore and rubbed raw from the bark, but she's too focused on him to notice.

"Alive," she echoes, eyes suddenly much clearer, much brighter, much softer. She's as beautiful as she's always been, and he has to resist ripping off her pants and taking her there, right against the tree again. "I like being alive."

He smiles in return. "I love being alive with you."

The rain stops falling.


End file.
